I WILL have you Mark Cohen
by TwoCrazyRentheads
Summary: Dialogue fic. Maureen's conscience rears its tiny head when she dumps Mark, so she offers to set him up. Warnings: slash, crackfic, funny fic. MarkOC
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1-**

Maureen: Mark. We need to talk. -gives the we-need-to-talk look-

Mark: What's up? Did you have the dream about the cow again?

Maureen: Ha ha. I never really had that dream, you know! I only made it up for the protest!!!

Mark: oh right, the one with the sheep was the real one.

Maureen: Yeah. Well I have to tell you something and you gotta promise not to make me feel too bad about it baby.

Mark: who did you sleep with NOW?

Maureen: You don't know them.

Mark: THEM?!

Maureen: Well… I'm sorta… well, how should I say it… it's not just about sleeping with someone else this time.

Mark: Oh.My.God you're pregnant!

Maureen: Eww no.

Mark: then what is it??

Maureen: I'm sorta in a new relationship… with someone else…

Mark: but you're in a relationship with me…

Maureen: Well that's what I want to tell you. That umm... no I'm not, not anymore. Sorry! -big hug-

Mark: -stares- …excuse me? I think all that muzzeta's waltz has damaged my hearing. What did you say?

Maureen: I'm leaving you for someone else baby. -pats him on the back-

Mark: but WHY?

Maureen: ...because I fell in love with... someone who is not you?

Mark: when…where…how? The hell??

Maureen: you promised not to make me feel too badly about it!

Mark: I didn't promise anything! If anything - you promised to stop cheating!

Maureen: that's why I'm leaving! pretends to care because it's not fair to YOU!

Mark: why don't you leave the other guy?! I was here first!

Maureen: actually you weren't the first, you were quite the 653rd, but never mind. Anyway, what guy?

Mark: the one you're leaving me for! Who else?

Maureen: oh, poor baby. Well that's another thing I have to tell you... I'm in love with... umm... a lawyer. Named Joanne.

Mark: -stares- …beg your pardon?

Maureen: Oh Mark -completely oblivious to his feelings- she's so wonderful! It's so much better than dating a guy! You know what I mean?

Mark: no, I don't.

Maureen: oh, you will as soon as you meet her! She treats me like a princess -big grin-

Mark: …

Maureen: So... anyway... sorry about that baby, will you be okay? I kinda have to go, I told Joanne I would meet her in the park.

Mark: …oh sure. You just broke my heart no big deal. Go on your date, have fun. I'll just lie here and die.

Maureen: Ohhhh -hugs him- I'm really sorry Mark, but I've got to be true to my heart, you know?

Mark: oh yeah. I get it. No really. I was just about to leave you for my scarf so this is fucking perfect.

Maureen: well it's not like we were anything SERIOUS you know. I mean we only dated for like what, four months?

Mark: …we dated for a year and a half! And I was fucking serious!

Maureen: well you really should have told me that you know.

Mark: I told you about a hundred times!!!

Maureen: you should have made sure I was LISTENING! Otherwise it doesn't really count you know.

Mark: you NEVER listen! Hello! I'm Jewish by the way - so enough with the Christmas cards!

Maureen: I know you're Jewish, I mean, I did sleep with you.

Mark: yeah and even then you wouldn't listen.

Maureen: I didn't want it to get into that, but you started it so – I gotta ask – WHY DO YOU HAVE TO TALK DURING SEX?!?!?!?!?!??!!

Mark: I tell you I love you it's romantic!

Maureen: -gives him a dry look- oh sure. How didn't I think of THAT. It's ROMANTIC. I get it now.

Mark: and you seriously don't have to answer "I'm hot, go sleep on the floor"!

Maureen: well that's only because you.just.wouldn't.get.off. Even after we're done!!!

Mark: it's MY bed!

Maureen: but it's MY body!!!! Lie on your bed not on me!!!!

Mark: you know damn well there's no room!

Maureen: well that's just really sad. -brutally- there's room in JOANNE's bed.

Mark: well EXCUSE ME for not being a fucking lawyer! You know, you lived right there with me, and your bed wasn't any better!

Maureen: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sorry baby, I need someone to spoil me. Even if it means owning something as rare as a double bed!!!!

Mark: yeah, it's all about the stuff with you. The stuff and the sex.

Maureen: well sorry about that. -not bothering to deny- well anyway I also happen to be in love with Joanne. Lucky huh?

Mark: of course you wouldn't give a damn about the people who love you. 'cause why should you waste your time on the stupid idiots like me who make that mistake.

Maureen: oh honey, I do care. But you deserve someone who loves you. And I know you will find someone. Some day. You're such a great guy. Hey -tactlessly- Joanne has a brother.

Mark: -glares- I'd date my camera first.

Maureen: okay, you don't have to be so negative. You won't get anyone with that attitude, you know.

Mark: like I really want someone after this great experience! I'm just jumping right into the market! Show me the fucking way!

Maureen: I'm sorry Mark. I will help you find someone else. Promise! But now I gotta go! Joanne said she had a special surprise for me today! -kisses him on the cheek- sorry again! See ya! -skips happily away-

Mark: stares …Roger would NEVER stop laughing.

----

AN- we are two crazy friends. We wrote this for pure fun, hope you enjoy it! More chapters coming very soon! Review! Flames will be used to roast Mark's scarfy!


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2-**

Mark: -gets in, closes the door, and collapses on the couch-

Roger: -lifts eyebrows from across the room- you don't look good.

Mark: geez thanks Rog, you're so sweet.

Roger: what happened?

Mark: Maureen.

Roger: oh. Let me guess. Who did she sleep with this time? Must be someone really hot. Hmm... Brad Pitt?

Mark: I wish.

Roger: Really?! Who was it? The President?!

Mark: I wish.

Roger: A ghost?

Mark: even that would have been better.

Roger: well who?

Mark: don't laugh too hard.

Roger: umm. Okay.

Mark: remember you promised!

Roger: who the hell was it?!

Mark: a lawyer.

Roger: ...and that's worse than Brad Pitt because...

Mark: a lawyer named Joanne.

Roger: -stares-

Mark: oh yeah. And it's not just sex. She dumped me. For her. Because she promised me she'll stop cheating. So she stopped. Cheating on her that is.

Roger: -bursts out laughing-

Mark: remember you promised not to laugh too hard.

Roger: -rolls on the floor laughing-

Mark: she offered to set me up.

Roger: -in between waves of laughter- well that was nice of her wasn't it?

Mark: …with Joanne's brother.

Roger: -stares then starts weeping with laughter on his guitar-

Mark: …yeah.

Roger: -hits fist on the floor-

Mark: …now you're pushing it.

Roger: -screams with laughter Jaffar-style-

Mark: oh shut up.

Roger: I gotta ask, are you going?

Mark: …-hits him-

Roger: I just asked! Anyway, is she like, a lesbian now?

Mark: for now I guess. At least until she meets Brad Pitt or something…

Roger: boy, she really likes to try new stuff doesn't she? Next thing you know, she'll dump that lawyer girl for her Labrador.

Mark: or for that cow that lives in her head.

Roger: or for your scarf.

Mark: no way, she ain't touching Scarfy.

Roger: SCARFY? ...no WONDER she gave up on men.

Mark: hey how many girls ran away from here when you talked about Susan, your stupid fucking guitar because they thought you had another girl here?!

Roger: well yeah. You're right. But they ran off to find another GUY.

Mark: actually, I saw two of them getting it on outside yesterday.

Roger: yeah right.

Mark: I have videotaped proof.

Roger: oh well. It wasn't because of me though. I haven't been with anyone for a year now and before that I was with April for two years, so they would have had time to be disappointed in other men by now.

Mark: ACTUALLY, I talked to them. And they said they started dating that night they ran away from you.

Roger: oh.

Mark: yeah.

Roger: lucky I wasn't dating any of them for eighteen months, huh?

Mark: …four if you count like Maureen.

Roger: she thought it was four months?

Mark: …yeah.

Roger: ...any other pathetic things she said?

Mark: like that's not pathetic enough?

Roger: oh I know, did she tease you about the size of your bed?

Mark: doesn't she always?

Roger: did she tease you about the size of… other things you possibly own?

Mark: the other things are in perfectly normal size!!! -blush-

Roger: well she's a lesbian, you never know what size they want it.

Mark: they don't want it, that's why they're lesbians Roger.

Roger: did she tease you about talking during sex?

Mark: …how do you even know about that?!

Roger: umm. We do share a wall.

Mark: …yeah but I left when you did it! Jesus Roger!

Roger: well what? Maureen lived here, you want me to leave EVERY night?!

Mark: we didn't do it every night, she cheated on my like 85 per cent of the time!

Roger: well. I guess I just made some mistakes in my calculations of the nights she would actually spend here.

Mark: I guess you did.

Roger: will you be okay? You really should start dating someone else. Perhaps someone less hot.

Mark: yeah, I'm a regular chick-magnet. Give me five minutes and I have a date.

Roger: sorry about that buddy.

Mark: not your fault.

Roger: umm.

Mark: …what?

Roger: nothing. It's just that. Umm. I sort of introduced Maureen to this... lawyer girl.

Mark: you WHAT?! Where do you even know a lawyer from?!

Roger: I was at Jamie's party the other night and she was there, and we got to talking over a glass of wine, and Maureen arrived later that night and she was the only person I knew there so I called her over and... introduced her to Joanne...

Mark: …and you call yourself my best friend!

Roger: I didn't know either of them was a lesbian!!!

Mark: it's MAUREEN! You don't introduce her to anything that can have sex!

Roger: well... I thought it would be rude not to...

Mark: you've been rude all your life and NOW you get polite on me?!

Roger: sorry.

Mark: oh THAT'S helpful!

Roger: they could have met at that party without my help you know.

Mark: but they could have not met too!

Roger: yeah. I guess that was also a possibility.

Mark: you do realize I will now blame you for this forever.

Roger: go ahead. If that helps you.

Mark: I got dumped. For a girl. On my birthday. I'll take anything.

Roger: umm. I don't know how that fits into all this, but I bought you a present.

Mark: …with whose money?

Roger: my uncle's.

Mark: well as long as it's not with mine like last year.

Roger: you want it?

Mark: yeah, thanks.

Roger: ...you sure?

Mark: …why?

Roger: -hands it over- it's. umm. A double voucher for the most romantic restaurant on the block.

Mark: …-glares- of course. Of course it is. How could it possibly be anything else today?!

Roger: sorry. I thought you could, you know, surprise Maureen.

Mark: Sure. Well maybe I'll take Joanne's brother there. -darkly-

Roger: so you do have something to do with it! Now I won't feel so bad! Let me know how it works out!

Mark: …Roger you do realize I'm not gay?

Roger: but isn't it easier going out with a guy now and get back at Maureen?

Mark: that'll only work if the girl cares. And she doesn't.

Roger: but now you can tell people you had such a bad time with girls that you gave up on the whole gender. And point out that the one who pushed you over the edge was Maureen. Which is true, given she introduced you to the first one.

Mark: I'm gonna start thinking that you want me to date guys so you could listen you perv!

Roger: well. Guys usually don't talk too much you know. (haven't you seen Brokeback Mountain?)

Mark: -throws a pillow at him- shut up.

Roger: so are you going?

Mark: I'm not gay.

Roger: might as well give it a shot. What have you got to lose?!

Mark: …wow. Sadly nothing.

Roger: so are you going?!

Mark: you know, Maureen just offered. I bet he's not even gay.

Roger: call Maureen and ask.

Mark: that'll be too humiliating. Even for me.

Roger: -picks up the phone and dials-

Mark: -stares in horror- hang up RIGHT NOW!

Roger: -ignores him completely- Hi Maureen! What's up?! Congratulations on the new relationship! Hey listen, I'm calling for Mark cause he's too shy to do it himself –

Mark: -hits him- HANG UP YOU MORON OR I'LL KICK YOU OUT!

Roger: -runs around the apartment while talking- so he told me you offered to set him up with Joanne's brother. Yeah. What's the guy's name, by the way? John? to Mark it's John. Lovely name, isn't it?

Mark: -chases him and tries to snatch the phone- you don't hang up and you won't live to have Aids!

Roger: -runs away- so Maureen, when is the guy free? Is he available for a blind date? Sure, you say? So when? How about tomorrow night?

Mark: ROGER HANG UP!!!!

Roger: 8 o'clock at Bridges? Sure.

Mark: You asshole!!! HANG UP!!!

Roger: he'll be there. He can't wait. Oh, so how is the guy? Is he hot?

Mark: ROGER!!!!!!

Roger: okay, so see ya Maureen. -hangs up-

Mark: I LOATHE you.

Roger: what? I just set you up with a guy who can do belly dancing.

Mark: …that's just wrong!

Roger: have fun! Hope you score! -gets into his room-

Mark: I'm NOT going!

Roger: okay, good luck telling Maureen that. -slams door-

Mark: …I hate you.

Roger: -starts playing love songs on the guitar-

Mark: …

Roger: -plays the wedding march-

Mark: son of a bitch.

Roger: just call Maureen already. -plays Have I Told You Lately-

Mark: -grunts- damn bastard…-calls- Maureen?

Maureen: Hi baby!

Mark: …I'm calling about what Roger just did.

Maureen: What did Roger just do?

Mark: you know…called you about whatever-his-name-is.

Maureen: who?

Mark: you know…he told you I want…-shudders- to date Joanne's brother.

Maureen: you do?! That's so great! I'll call him right away!

Mark: I DON'T! That's what Roger said, I'm calling to tell you that I'm NOT INTERESTED!

Maureen: I just got home baby, didn't talk to Roger in two weeks. Anyway, that's great news, I'll tell Joanne to call Jake at once.

Mark: JAKE?! Oh that bastard…look Maureen, I DON'T WANT to date him. I'm not gay.

Maureen: what did you say? There's a bad connection, I can hardly hear what you're saying. Anyway, how's Friday for you? Just scream "yes" or "no".

Mark: -screams at the top of his lungs- NO!

Maureen: oh, okay, then I'll just give him your number and he'll call you to set up the date. Anyway, gotta go, Joanne's surprise was, like, the sexiest thing ever, she's usually a geek but for me she just got a tattoo on her hip. I LOVE it. So, I'm gonna be busy for a while, you know.

Mark: -stares at the phone in horror, unplugs it and throws it out the window-

Roger: -plays Can You Feel the Love Tonight-

Mark: YOU'RE A DEAD MAN ROGER DAVIS!!!

Roger: -locks the door-

Mark: just wait- you gotta eat or pee sooner or later! I CAN WAIT! -sits in front of his door-

Roger: -starts carving a door to the hallway-

---

**A/N:** Ah, the way Lyan portraits Mark oh so perfectly.

We appreciate reviews very much!


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3 

Collins: -knocks on door-

Mark: who is it?

Collins: it's Collins man, let me in. I have a surprise for you.

Mark: is it a shot gun? -unlocks the door-

Collins: -walks in with a tall, black, unbelievably cute guy- hey bitch! What's up?! This is Jake.

Mark: …what did you just say? -looks horrified-

Collins: this is Jake, found him downstairs. He said he was looking for Mark Something, with blond hair who does something with a camera. Sounded like you.

Mark: -stares-

Roger: -takes the chance and runs out of the room and the apartment-

Jake: Hi!

Mark: …hi.

Collins: anyway, I just dropped in to say hi. So, I guess you two have a lot of... talking to do. -turns to leave-

Mark: Collins! -sounds horrified- don't leave!!!

Collins: Happy Birthday! -gives him a sweater and leaves-

Mark: …-turns to Jake and stares-

Jake: so, what's up?!

Mark: …I'm not gay.

Jake: you mean you've never dated a guy before? Well that's okay, Maureen told me that. So -doesn't give him a chance to answer- what DO you do with your camera?

Mark: I make films! What else do you do with a video camera?

Jake: really? What kind of films?

Mark: documentaries.

Jake: can I watch one?

Mark: it's not really finished yet…

Jake: oh. Well. So. Happy Birthday, by the way. I got you something.

Mark: …you got me something? You shouldn't have, you don't even know me…

Jake: well I thought this was a good way to get to know you. -pulls out fuzzy pink handcuffs-

Mark: -stares- …I promise I'll be good so make this day stop god!!!

Jake: you don't like pink? –innocently-

Mark: …what did I do to deserve this?

Jake: -sits and acts as though he feels at home-

Mark: …well now I know what's hell like. This day couldn't POSSIBLY get any worse.

-Maureen and Joanne walk in-

Maureen: Hi Mark! Hi Jake! Oh I see you've already met! This is Joanne, by the way.

Mark: would you get him out of here…?

Maureen: why, the evening is just getting started! We came to see how the date was going! And to drop off a bag of the stuff you left at my apartment. -pulls out some condoms- I'm not really gonna need these.

Mark: neither would we!!!!

Maureen: but you know baby, unprotected sex is very dangerous nowadays. I mean, look at Collins.

Mark: we're not going to have sex!!! I'm not gay!!!

Maureen: well I thought so too.

Joanne: so did I. Until I was 14...

Jake: so did I until I was 9.

Mark: read my lips- I. Am. NOT. Interested. In. other. Men. I'm NOT gay. I like GIRLS.

Maureen: -not listening- oh, what's that? -picks up the handcuffs-

Mark: that's going out of here, along with you!!!

Maureen: -not listening- that's so sweet, you two!

Mark: OUT!!!

Maureen: okay, okay, why are you screaming? Let's leave them alone, Pookie, I don't like interfering in someone else's dates.

Mark: TAKE HIM WITH YOU!

Maureen: -leaves without listening-

Joanne: -follows Maureen like a puppy-

Mark: -stares-

Jake: So! I hear there's a great bar right down the block!

Mark: -glares- what part of I'm not gay don't you get?

Jake: okay, we don't have to call it a date if you don't want to. Can't we just grab something to drink as friends?

Mark: …yeah okay.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4- 

-At the bar-

Jake: -turns out to be a great guy to talk to, who knows a lot about shooting films and cameras-

-some of Mark's friends walk in-

Mark: -doesn't notice and talks passionately about his work-

Bobby: hi Mark!

Mark: -waves distractedly-

Larry: -comes to the table- what's up?? -starts chatting about the weather-

Jake: cough cough

Mark: oh sorry- Larry this is Jake. Jake- Larry.

Jake: no it's not that, it's just umm, we're kind of in the middle of something.

Bobby: what sort of something?

Mark: we're just talking.

Jake: -bluntly- a date!

Larry: OO

Mark: NO WE'RE NOT!

Jake: oh yeah, sorry. I forgot. -in half-whisper- he doesn't really want people to know about this.

Mark: there's nothing to know! This is NOT a date! We're just friends!!!

Larry: Sorry about that, Happy Birthday Mark! Umm, we're gonna leave, like, now. Have fun, you two. -drags Bobby away**- **hope you score, Mark.

Mark: -yells after them- COME BACK HERE! It's NOT a date!! I'm NOT GAY!!!

Jake: -smiles stupidly-

Mark: WHAT are you smiling at?!

Jake: you're so cute when you're in denial.

Mark: -stares and blushes- I AM NOT in DENIAL!

Jake: -pinches his cheek- so cute! buys him a rose

Mark: SHOVE THE FUCKING ROSE UP YOUR ASS! I'M OUTTA HERE! -storms out-

Jake: -follows- you prefer pink roses?

Mark: leave me alone! –begs-

Jake: I guess you're tired. Oh well, see you soon. I'll call you. I had a great time tonight, Mark.

Mark: don't bother. Really.

Jake: that's okay, I want to. So, see you soon, huh? Maybe next time we can go out to a play or something, I know a great one.

Mark: no next time!

Jake: -hardly listening, looks very interested in Mark's lips all of a sudden-

Mark: …what? -suspiciously-

Jake: -kisses him-

Mark: -pushes him away and runs home horrified-

Roger and Collins: -sitting on the couch as Mark enters- well??????? How did it go?!?!

Mark: I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!!!! -jumps at Roger and starts hitting him-

Roger: -pushes him off easily- did he refuse to make it "official" between you two?

Mark: he KISSED me on the LIPS you asshole!

Roger and Collins: -stare at each other and burst out laughing-

Mark: it's not funny!!!!!

Roger and Collins: Oh yes it is!!!!! -slam their heads on each other's shoulders-

Mark: I LOATHE YOU!

Roger: Oh by the way, I re-plugged the phone. Why did you unplug it?

Mark: he has the number!!!!

Roger: good thing I re-plugged it then!

Mark: UNPLUG IT THIS INSTANCE!!!!

Roger: -protects it with his body-

Collins: -still laughing his head off-

Mark: I'm not interested! Roger I'm serious!!!

Collins: you can't unplug the phone man, how will I call you so you throw down the keys?

Mark: I'll make you an extra key!!

Collins: -ignores him- Maureen dropped in again, was really happy to find out you were out this late! Said now she wasn't feeling that guilty!

Mark: we went out as FRIENDS!

Collins: and I suppose that kiss meant nothing.

Mark: he kissed me and I ran away!

Roger: typical I'm-scared-of-commitment response.

Mark: I'm not scared of commitment I was with Maureen for 18 fucking months without cheating or anything! It's typical I'm-not-gay-and-a-guy-is-kissing-me response!

Roger: you know Maureen kissed you first too, you know.

Mark: yeah but I didn't run away then!

Roger: I hear he's really cute!

Mark: that's beside the point!

Roger: so he IS cute!

Mark: he's also a HE!

Roger: and a cute HE!

Mark: but still a HE!

Roger: next time you sure will score, he seems to like you!

Mark: I don't want to score with him!

Roger: so there WILL be a next time! I knew it!!!

Mark: NO!

Roger and Collins: -burst out laughing again-

Mark: WHAT?!

-phone rings-

Roger: -picks up- Hello? Oh, hi Jake!

Mark: -horrified-

Roger: -hands him the phone-

Mark: amm…hi Jake…

Jake: Hi! Just called to say good night. Sweet dreams. I sure will be dreaming of you tonight...

Mark: …please don't.

Jake: so good night then! -hangs up-

Roger and Collins: WELL???? -big grins-

Mark: -in a miserable voice- he'll be having dreams about me tonight.

Collins: -giggles-

Mark: it's not funny! How do I get him off my back?

Roger: I know how you can get him ON your back, if you know what I mean...

Mark: he doesn't need help with that. I want him to back off!

Collins: -not listening- well I'm off. Good night Roger. Sweet dreams Mark…-winks annoyingly-

Mark: -throws a shoe at him-

Roger: well. Good night, Mark! -goes to his room-

Mark: …I'm cursed. -mutters and goes to his room- This is the worst birthday…EVER.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5- 

Mark: - lies awake in bed- I'm not gay I'm not gay I'm not gay I'm not gay…

Roger: -from the other side of the wall- keep telling yourself that. That'll help EVERYONE.

Mark: shut up you asshole, I'm not talking to you!

Roger: just because I called Collins and pretended to be talking to Maureen?

Mark: this is all your fault!

Roger: how is it MY fault?

Mark: you tricked me into calling Maureen!

Roger: you didn't have to tell her you wanted to date Joanne's brother!

Mark: I told her I DON'T want to date him!

Roger: then why did she send him over?

Mark: because she's Maureen! She NEVER listens!

Roger: how is it MY fault that she doesn't listen?!

Mark: you made me talk to her!

Roger: you could have simply pressed 'redial' and then you would have reached Collins, that's what I figured you would do.

Mark: you said you called Maureen!

Roger: yeah well, I could have hardly said I was calling Collins could I?

Mark: yeah, 'cause that would be the NICE thing to do!

Roger: but that was the whole point of the joke!

Mark: I'M NOT LAUGHING!

Roger: well I am -laughs his head off-

Mark: and to think I ever called you my best friend!

Roger: -laughs his head off-

Mark: I am looking for a new apartment tomorrow.

Roger: -laughs his head off-

Mark: I'm serious! I'm moving and I'll never come back!

Roger: -laughs his head off-

Mark: fine. We'll see who's laughing tomorrow!

Roger: -still laughing-

Mark: -grunts, looks at the window and screams bloody murder-

Roger: WHAT? WHAT?!!

Mark: what the HELL are you doing here?!

Jake: I couldn't sleep. -sweetly- I was thinking of you.

Mark: I told you not to do that!

Jake: I can't help it. I mean, it's not my fault you have these eyes and you talk so passionately about films and you have the sweetest little –

Mark: that's enough! –disturbed-

Jake: can I come in?

Mark: do you REALLY have to?

Jake: you want me to spend the whole night without seeing you even once?... -in small voice-

Mark: you spent your whole life without seeing me even once and you were just fine.

Jake: but I can't do that anymore, not now that I know you. Come on, Mark, you can't tell me you don't feel that too! Can I come in?

Mark: …are you planning on spending the night here?

Jake: I can sleep on the couch if you want me to.

Mark: …you can sleep with Roger. Okay. Come in. -sighs-

Roger: No he can't. -locks bedroom door-

Mark: -gives Jake the key- you don't have a say in this asshole.

Jake: that's okay, I guess I'll just sleep on the couch. Good night Mark. -gives him a look that suggests he would like to kiss him again-

Mark: …good night Jake. -gives him a blanket-

Jake: -looks at him-

Mark: …what? Oh right -gives him a pillow-

Jake: -inches closer-

Mark: the couch is that way- -points-

Jake: oh I know – I just –

Mark: you just what?

Jake: -kisses him-

Mark: -pushes away- stop doing that!

Jake: sorry, couldn't help myself. I know this is too fast. -blushes and goes to bed-

Mark: …-locks his bedroom door-

Jake: -sighs loudly-

Mark: …-sighs- damn.

Roger: -laughs out loud-

Mark: shut up or I'll break the wall and kill you!

Roger: -laughs into his pillow-

Mark: bastard.

Jake: -sighs again-

Mark: …-tries to ignore-

-an hour later-

Jake: -sighs yet again-

Mark: …what is it Jake?

Jake: oh... you heard me?

Mark: the whole building heard you.

Jake: sorry. I was just thinking of you.

Mark: try counting sheep.

Jake: -sighs even louder-

Mark: …do you want some warm milk?

Jake: if you make it for me...

Mark: …fine, if you don't mind it expired 2 days ago.

Jake: never mind, I'll try to keep quiet.

Mark: suit yourself. Good night.

Jake: Sorry I woke you up.

Mark: …it's ok.

Jake: -sighs quietly-

Mark: …ok how can I get you to sleep?

Jake: you can't... not really…

Mark: what does that even mean?

Jake: well – when I fall in love I usually can't sleep until I –

Mark: how can you be in love with me- you know me less than 24 hours, and in the hours we know I yelled at you all the time. What the hell is wrong with you?!

Jake: -dreamily- yeah...

Mark: …so what does that mean, you'll get off if I'll be nice?

Jake: I'll try not to wake you up.

Mark: you really should get over me.

Jake: no can do.

Mark: it's not that hard! Really just ask Maureen!

Jake: maybe she could, I can't.

Mark: you don't even know me.

Jake: you don't have to know someone to be in love with them…

Mark: yes you do! How can you really be in love with someone you don't know? It's just a crush and you can get over a crush.

Jake: will you kiss me?

Mark: …what?

Jake: will you… kiss me?

Mark: …huh?

Jake: please? Maybe that'll calm me down so I can sleep.

Mark: …would you leave me alone if I kiss you?

Jake: I think so! –happily-

Mark: …oh fine whatever. It's just a kiss. -unlocks the door and comes out-

Jake: -big stupid grin-

Mark: …

Jake: -grin grows bigger-

Mark: …you're creeping me out.

Jake: oh. Sorry. -stops smiling-

Mark: …thanks. How do I do this?

Jake: you. Just. Kiss.

Mark: right…-nervously moves closer-

Jake: -looks expectantly at him-

Mark: …right. Here goes. -kisses him and quickly backs away-

Jake: …you call that a kiss?

Mark: with a guy- yeah.

Jake: oh. –sadly- well. I guess I'll try to sleep then. -looking utterly depressed-

Mark: …what if I…hug you instead?

Jake: I guess. -unenthusiastically-

Mark: look. I had a bad day. I just got dumped. So that sad face won't work, okay?

Jake: okay. -sad puppy eyes-

Mark: it's hug or nothing, take it or leave it.

Jake: -throws himself on him-

Mark: -hugs him awkwardly- okay feel better?

Jake: -pressed against him- yeah! -happily-

Mark: think you can sleep now?

Jake: I'll try! Goodnight! -kisses him on the cheek-

Mark: …okay. Good night. -goes back to his room and locks the door-

Jake: -lies back on the couch and sighs happily-

Mark: …


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6- 

Mark: -yawns and gets up- I had the WEIRDEST dream last night…-gets out-

Jake: -waits outside with breakfast- good morning!!! -big grin-

Roger: -eats at the table- did you see that Mark? He can COOK!

Mark: …Roger…pinch me…

Roger: -pinches him- I say he's a keeper!

Mark: -rubs his shoulder- damn I'm awake.

Jake: pancakes anyone?!

Mark: …you made pancakes?

Jake: yes!!

Mark: I haven't had pancakes since I moved out of my parents' house! It's my favorite!

Jake: I thought so. -grin grin-

Mark: …huh?

Jake: you seem like the sort of person who would love pancakes. How about hamburgers for lunch?

Mark: …hamburgers…? Like out of...real meat? -hopeful-

Jake: sure. Big, nice, juicy and just a little burned.

Roger: -drools-

Mark: -drools too- with a side of fries?

Jake: what else?

Mark: …oh my god…-collapses into a chair- you better not be teasing.

Jake: nope. -gives him a plate with five pancakes and maple syrup-

Mark: -finishes it all in a minute- god I died and went to heaven…

Jake: -watches his every move-

Mark: -notices- …what?

Jake: you sure were hungry. Want some more?

Mark: yes please!

Jake: -gives him seven more-

Roger: -snatches two away- you can't possibly eat everything.

Mark: …you just had 12. -eats-

Roger: -eats-

Jake: and there's more where that came from!

Mark: …wanna move in?

Jake: really?!!??!!?!!

Mark: as long as you cook- you can stay here!

Jake: oh honey, that's so great! -kisses him-

Mark: …okay I haven't changed my mind about that.

Jake: -too busy making more pancakes to listen-

Mark: -sighs-

Roger: I love this one! Much more useful than Maureen!

Mark: yeah I like him too, but that doesn't mean I like him that way…

Roger: sure, sure. -eats-

Mark: I'm not gay -points out-

Jake: who's up for some chocolate cake?

Mark: …seriously? I couldn't possibly eat another bite…but save some for me for later!

Jake: -takes out a huge chocolate cake with cream that smells amazing-

Roger: -drools-

Mark: …oh my god…well just a little piece…

Jake: -cuts each of them a huge piece-

Roger: -gobbles up-

Mark: -tastes- …you made this??

Jake: just now.

Mark: it's amazing! –eats-

Roger: -mouthful- isn't it?!

Mark: yeah! -hands Jake a fork- come on, I can't finish this by myself.

Jake: -smiles and eats with him-

Mark: -eats-

Roger: -laughs into his plate-

Mark: what? -darkly-

Roger: look at you two getting it on.

Mark: …oh just choke on that cake.

Roger: -eats happily-

Mark: so Jake. Don't you have a job to get to?

Jake: yes, as a matter of fact I do. I'm a producer on NBC,

Mark: -chocks- you're…you're what???

Jake: yeah, it's cool. So I only have to be there by 10.

Mark: you work on NBC? I tried to sell them my stuff…forever…

Jake: really? I can get you a job there, like, in one phone call.

Mark: …seriously?

Jake: sure.

Mark: …but you haven't even seen my stuff…

Jake: so?

Mark: no, if I get a job I want it to be for talent, not connections.

Jake: you're right. Let me see your stuff.

Roger: -cracks up-

Mark: -ignores Roger- promise you'll be objective, okay?

Jake: promise.

Mark: -sets up his films and plays-

Jake: -watches-

-several hours later-

Mark: so, what did you think? -nervously-

Jake: you're hired.

Mark: …really?

Jake: you're better than all the guys who tried to get in.

Mark: thanks! Amm…I'm hired to do what exactly?

Jake: why a director of our documentaries of course.

Mark: …seriously??? Thank you!!!! -hugs him-

Roger: -laughs his head off-

Mark: -ignores Roger- when do I start? –happily-

Jake: I'm going there now anyway, you can come with me. I'll take you in my car, it's right outside.

Mark: cool let's go!

Jake: -leaves hamburgers in the fridge-

Mark: -puts on his scarf-

Roger: -lowers his voice- make sure this one doesn't hear you call it SCARFY.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7- 

-on the way home from NBC studios-

Jake: -drives his Ferrari-

Mark: I still can't believe you drive a FERRARI...!

Jake: yeah, this one's really old. I'm thinking of getting a Jaguar soon. -casually-

Mark: a JAGUAR? What will you do with this one then...? Sell it?

Jake: yeah, well it's only like, two years old, I can get a good price on it no problem. Hey look -points across the street- a furniture store

Mark: if it's 2 years old why get rid of it? It's beautiful...-casts an uninterested look at the store- yeah, so?

Jake: let's go in! -pulls over-

Mark: what for?

Jake: -doesn't bother to answer parks the Ferrari and runs in-

Mark: -follows- you need something?

Jake: hmmmmmmmmmm -checks out every bed in the store-

Mark: what's wrong with your bed?

Jake: how about this one? -points at a king-sized bed made out of red wood looking really expensive-

Mark: it's your bed –shrugs- looks fancy.

Jake: do you like it?

Mark: it's okay, I guess...

Jake: okay, which bed here do you like best?

Mark: ammm well I don't know...this one I think –points-

Jake: -draws out a check book-

Mark: hey- what are you doing? You liked this one didn't you? Buy yourself the bed you like...

Jake: -ignores him and gives the store man Mark and Roger's address-

Mark: ...-looks confused-

Jake: isn't it nice?! Now you have a double bed! King sized too!

Mark: ...what? That's for me?? No way- it's way too expansive! Go get your money back!

Jake: -ignores him thanks the storeman and walks back to the car-

Mark: -runs after him- Jake seriously- it's too much!

Jake: so what about those hamburgers? -grins-

Mark: ...

Jake: -drives home-

Mark: -stares in shock the whole ride-

Jake: -gets home and cooks hamburgers-

Roger: -drools on the couch- what's with the have-mercy-on-my-soul look? -to Mark-

Mark: -whispers in shock- he...bought...

Roger: what?

Mark: a king sized bed.

Roger: wh... –snorts-

Mark: ...is it even going to fit?

Roger: we'll just have to wait and see won't we? -laughs into the couch-

Mark: ...what's so funny? -is clueless-

Roger: hmm... let's think. Your new boyfriend just bought you a KING SIZED BED. Really, what on earth could that possibly MEAN?!

Mark: he's not my boyfriend!

Roger: have fun telling him that in your new bed!

Mark: not everyone's a sex addict you know, I don't even kiss him I'm sure he doesn't expect me to do THAT.

Roger: -gives him a look-

Mark: ...WHAT??

Roger: oh PLEASE. Why are you still denying -

Jake: lunch time!!!!!!!!!!!!! -walks in with a tray of hamburgers and fries-

Roger: OO

Mark: -sniffs- oh god-real meat!!! -dreamy look-

Jake: -gives each of them a huge plate with two hamburgers and a ton of fries-

Mark: -gobbles-

Roger: -gobbles as well-

Jake: -pours them some ketchup-

Mark: this is so good it has to be a sin...-finishes it all-

Jake: -gives each another plate-

Roger: OH.MY.GOD. -gobbles up- Mark, if you don't kiss him I will!

Mark: you know, if he pulls out ice cream for desert I just might! -gobbles-

Jake: -comes in with chocolate mousse and ice cream with whipped cream-

Mark: ...-stares- OH.MY.GOD. -kisses him, grabs the ice cream and eats-

Jake: OO ... -looks in heaven-

Roger: -chokes on his ice cream-

Mark: -eats without even realizing what he did-

Jake: -sits and sighs happily-

Roger: wellllllll, I'll leave you two lovebirds alone, I think -gathers up a ton of ice cream with whipped cream and mousse on his plate and enters his room-

Mark: -raises his head from his ice cream- huh?

Roger: bye! -slams door-

Mark: ...what's his problem?

Jake: problem? -still gazes admiringly at Mark-

Mark: -notices- ...what?

Jake: you're so adorable. –smiles-

Mark: I am? -raises eyebrow-

Jake: so adorable! Can I -

Mark: ...can you what? -tilts his head-

Jake: kiss you? -sweetly-

Mark: -taken aback- you still want to do that after you saw me eat?

Jake: more than ever actually.

Mark: ...-looks embarrassed-

Jake: so can I???????

Mark: -licks the ice cream off his lips- well I guess you can try...but if I don't like it you back off!

Jake: okay! -leans in-

Roger: -watches through the door-

Mark: -swallows nervously-

Jake: -kisses him-

Mark: -closes his eyes and pulls back after a few seconds muttering- I'm not gay I'm not gay...

Jake: -gives him the sweetest smile- I WILL have you, Mark Cohen. -pecks him and leaves-

Roger: -snorts so loudly the whole building can hear-

Mark: -turns red- ROGER!!!

Roger: -rolls around laughing-

Mark: -throws his shoes at him-


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8- 

Mark: -lies awake in bed muttering- I'm not gay...I'm not gay...I'm not gay...

Roger: -in sleepy voice from the other side of the wall- you keep telling yourself that baby. Only QUIETLY!

Mark: just 'cause you've gone Maureen on me calling me 'baby' doesn't mean I'll do as you say.

Roger: fine! You keep lying there on your king sized bed this guy bought you, with the pancakes and chocolate cake and hamburgers and apple pie he made for you, with the new job he got you, after having kissed (!) him, and tell yourself you're NOT gay! That totally makes sense!!!!!!!!!!

Mark: ...and then you tell ME to be quiet!

Roger: -puts the pillowcase over his head- good night!

Mark: Good night!

-Two minutes go by-

-Both hear a strange noise from outside-

Roger: -pokes his head out of the pillowcase- huh?... what?...

Mark: -jumps out of bed- Rog, you hear that too, right?

Roger: yes! What the hell?!?! -listens closely-

-They hear a man's voice, sounding eerily like Jake-

Voice: -sings- When I first met you...

Mark: ...no...fricking...WAY...

Roger: the hell? The hell?!!! -tears the window open and leans out to look-

Mark: -peeks outside-

Jake: -stands on a platform just below Mark's window and sings loudly with his eyes closed- From the moment I met you

You were the one

From the moment I met you

My doubts were gone

Roger: OO

Mark: OO

Jake: From the moment I met you

Wanted to drown in your eyes

'Cause from the moment I met you

I knew where my heart lies

Roger: -blink-

Mark: -stares-

Jake: Oh Mark, please return my feelings

Please say you feel so too

I know it's so fast, but I'm only beginning

To realize that I've always been waiting for you!

Roger: -turns to look at Mark-

Jake: -finishes singing with his voice echoing all over the street and looks up at Mark-

Mark: -stares in complete shock-

Roger: -looks at Jake then back at Mark-

Mark: -stares, completely frozen in place-

Jake: -decides to take action once more- MARK, I LOVE YOU! -screams so the whole neighborhood can hear-

Roger: -falls back into his bedroom-

Mark: -turns whiter than usual- Jake- quiet it's 3 AM!

Jake: I won't be quiet - not until you tell me you feel the same way! -announces-

Mark: ...Jake get in here you'll wake everyone up!

Jake: -climbs in through the window and holds onto Mark-

Mark: Jake, it's 3 AM have you lost your mind???

Jake: I've already told you dear, I can't sleep thinking of you so much. -kisses him on the cheek-

Mark: -blushes completely-

Jake: -sentimentally- I love it so much when you blush...

Mark: ...O.o

Jake: are you tired?

Mark: ...well no, not really...you?

Jake: not at all. -big grin- so, what do you want to do?

Mark: I don't know...you have any ideas?

Jake: yes how about... we get into bed... and just enjoy each other's company and share our deep emotions for one another? -dreamily-

Roger: -chokes in the next room-

Mark: ...how about we play cards?

Roger: -snorts loudly-

Jake: okay! -happily-

Mark: -pulls out the cards and sits on the bed- what do you want to play?

Jake: Poker. And instead of playing for money... we'll play for kisses!

Mark: ...oh fine.

Roger: -chokes again-

Jake: really?!

Mark: ...yeah what the heck.

Jake: -grins broadly and deals the cards-

Mark: -picks up the cards-

Jake: -wins first round- that's two kisses for me.

Mark: ...-sighs and kisses him twice-

Jake: -looks completely in love-

Mark: ...-deals-

Jake: -plays looking dreamy-

Mark: -wins-

Jake: how many kisses?

Mark: I dunno...-embarrassed-

Jake: -smiles and gives him three-

Roger: Dear GOD this won't end.

Mark: shut up and go to sleep!

Jake: you're so sweet.

Mark: ...how did you get to that conclusion?

Jake: just tasted you...

Mark: ...

Jake: -smiles and runs his fingers through Mark's hair-

Mark: ...the game! -deals-

Jake: -laughs sweetly and plays along-

Mark: -plays-

Jake: -watches him closely with the most irritating smile on his face-

Mark: ...what?

Jake: you're so cute!

Mark: ...I gotta ask- did you escape from some mental institute or something?

Jake: -laughs- no, why?

Mark: I don't see why you like me so much if you're sane- I haven't exactly been NICE to you...

Jake: why would you say that?

Mark: well...I kicked you out, pushed you away, told you to be quiet when you've been nothing but nice, usually that's a turn off.

Jake: -stares at him as if he's crazy- turn off?! You don't understand how much it delights me!

Mark: ...how does me being a jerk delight you?

Jake: it made me want you even more. –dreamily-

Mark: ...ah so you're a masochist.

Jake: huh?

Mark: what other explanation is there to what you just said?

Jake: that I love you and nothing you do can stop it?

Mark: I've shown you nothing worth loving, just a whole lot of bad sides.

Jake: that's not true, you're sweet and kind and sarcastic and you love my food and you're extremely talented and we're interested in the same stuff...

Mark: ...

Jake: so you've pretended to reject me, why would that turn me off?

Mark: ...-ignores the pretending part- I've been a jerk.

Jake: but a hot one.

Mark: -blushes- I'm not hot, I'm not even warm

Jake: -laughs-

Mark: -blushes and stares at his cards-

Jake: are you saying you're sorry for being a jerk?

Mark: well yeah, of course I am! No one deserves being treated like that. But I was just dumped- not that I'm making excuses or anything, but that does tend to make me...unpleasant. Sorry.

Jake: that's okay. -hums the serenade again-

Mark: yeah about that...could you maybe not sing and yell outside my window at these hours?

Jake: why?

Mark: I have neighbors...plus this place isn't exactly safe during the day so at night...well...

Jake: oh, are you worried about me??? That's so sweet!

Mark: ...so no more noise at these hours?

Jake: well, will you admit your true feelings for me?

Mark: look, honestly? I don't know how I feel about you.

Jake: -listens-

Mark: you're very nice, and fun and I like spending time with you and all...but I don't know.

Jake: that's okay.

Mark: you'll just have to be patient with me...sorry.

Jake: that's okay, I'll stick around and help you decide!

Mark: yeah I figured you'd say that...amm...you win.

Jake: oh?

Mark: the cards –points- what do I owe you?

Jake: as much as you want to give me.

Mark: ...now you're making it hard.

Jake: -smiles pleasantly-

Mark: oh well...-takes a deep breath and gives him one deep kiss- how's that?

Jake: -a little shocked-

Mark: ...sorry?

Jake: can I kiss you back?

Mark: well at this point there's really not much use asking -laughs-

Jake: -looks on cloud nine and kisses him-

Roger: -in the next room- No. Frickin'. WAY.

Mark: ...well. We should get to bed. You can sleep here; I'll take the couch. -a little shook up-

Jake: oh, but it's a king sized bed! We can both sleep in it!

Mark: ...I don't know about that...

Jake: I won't touch you. I promise!

Mark: wouldn't that just be awkward?

Jake: no!

Mark: ...well okay, I guess we can try that...the couch isn't exactly fun...

Jake: exactly!

Mark: Okay. Do you want to borrow some clothes to sleep in?

Jake: I'd be wearing your clothes? -eyes light up-

Mark: if they fit...if not I can give you something of Roger's.

Jake: no I wanna wear yours! -excitedly-

Mark: ...okay...well -opens a drawer- check if anything here fits. I'll wait outside while you change. -gets out and closes the door-

Jake: -wears pajama bottoms and takes off his shirt- you can come in!

Mark: -comes in- ammm –stares- there are shirts...I think...

Jake: I never sleep with a shirt –lightly- so... shall we? -gets into bed- let's get some sleep. And tomorrow, if you want, I'll do some belly dancing for you.

Roger: -gulps-

Mark: ...you belly dance?? I thought Roger made that up...!

Jake: huh? Oh yes, I belly dance –lightly- for three years now.

Mark: is that fun? I only tango...

Jake: I'll teach you, you'll love it! And I love tango.

Mark: yeah...we'll see about that. -Gets into bed- how did you get into belly dancing?

Jake: Joanne had a girlfriend who was a professional and I saw her and caught interest at once.

Mark: cool -smiles and yawns-

Jake: good night! -kisses him lightly- I love you! And you don't have to say it back! I know some day you will.

Mark: ...good night. Sweet dreams. -closes his eyes-

Roger: OH. MY. GOD.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9- 

Mark: -yawns, turns, opens his eyes to find himself face to face with a grinning Jake and squeals like a little girl-

Jake: -grinning like a maniac- GOOD MORNING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! -in booming voice-

Mark: -covers his ears and falls off the bed-

Jake: -leans over to look- are you okay?

Mark: -rubs his head- yeah I think so...you scared me.

Jake: sorry! -still grinning not looking sorry at all- did you sleep well!?

Mark: yeah...-yawns- you?

Jake: hardly!

Mark: why? Were you uncomfortable?

Jake: no no I was more comfortable than I'd ever been in my life! But I was finding it totally impossible to sleep with your presence next to me –dreamily- after having finally kissed you...

Mark: you kissed me before. -reminds him-

Jake: sure, but this time you were actually kissing me back!

Mark: yeah well...

Jake: -ruffles his hair- that was so marvelous.

Mark: it was just a kiss...-blushes-

Jake: yes... you must be the best kisser ever!

Mark: ...you did kiss other people, right?

Jake: ...yes, why? -confused-

Mark: 'cause that's the only logical explanation I see for that statement. I'm nothing special...

Jake: stop being so unconfident! You are the best kisser ever. Hmm -mischievous grin- why don't we…practice that a bit?

Roger: -gives a loud snort outside the door-

Mark: -growls- Rog, you just won yourself the "worst roommate ever" award!

Jake: so why don't we? -ruffles Mark's hair again-

Roger: -laughs so much he starts hiccupping-

Mark: I got a better idea. Why don't we get dressed, go out for breakfast, and leave Roger to starve?

Jake: That IS a great idea! -gets up-

Mark: Right. Well, you can shower first if you want.

Jake: I showered last night! You want to shower?

Mark: yeah. -gets some clothes and gets up- meet you at the door in 10 minutes?

Jake: sure! -dresses up-

Mark: -goes to the bathroom and showers-

-10 minutes later-

-Mark walks in to find Jake at the door dressed in a business suit and Roger eating from a pile of omelets on the table-

Mark: -stares- amm you do realize the whole point was to leave him hungry, right?

Jake: I couldn't resist... he was so hungry and he said he liked my cooking so much. I mean, he's so cute and such a gentleman, how can you say no to him?

Roger: -stuffs his mouth with 5 omelets at the same time-

Jake: such a gentleman!

Mark: oh yeah, a real gentleman -rolls his eyes- take your AZT before you choke. Ready to go, Jake?

Jake: I'm as ready as I can ever be! Let's go out!

Mark: -puts on his coat and scarf- where do you want to go?

Jake: that depends, what do you feel like eating?

Roger: Mark, why do you have to wear that scarf on EVERY date you go?

Mark: 'cause I like it, what's it to you??

Roger: -on purpose- say Jake, you don't actually LIKE Mark's scarf, do you? You do agree he can get a better one, right?

Mark: I happen to LIKE this scarf!

Roger: -ignores him- Jake, why don't you go out and get Mark something less nerdy than this scarf, say... gloves?

Mark: gloves are for your hands Rog, a scarf is for the neck, there is a difference. -in a talking-to-a-5-year-old tone-

Roger: but you're not wearing it 'cause you're cold. You're wearing it 'cause you LIKE it. -mocks him-

Mark: I'm wearing it 'cause I like it, and 'cause it's freezing outside.

Roger: so why don't you two go out and buy a normal scarf?

Mark: because I like this one, and I don't see what's wrong with it!

Roger: lost case -rolls his eyes and stuffs another two omelets in his mouth-

Jake: we're off! Bye Roger!

Mark: Take your AZT! -gets out-

Jake: -takes his hand in his- so what do you want to eat?

Mark: something cheap, so I could pay for you for once –grins-

Jake: you're not paying!

Mark: yes I am! I'm starting to feel like a first class ass hole with all the things you buy and make, so I'm buying you breakfast- case closed.

Jake: ooh, that's nice. I like that. You're... bossy... -grins again-

Mark: No I'm n- damn -blushes and walks faster so he won't see it-

Jake: -rushes after him- so what will you buy me?? I'm going to be spoiled!

Mark: what are you in the mood for?

Jake: anything, as long as it's with you –sweetly-

Mark: I know a place that makes the best coffee and muffins...-suggests-

Jake: great idea!

Mark: Ok, it's this way -leads-

Jake: -follows, still grinning-

Mark: tell me if I'm walking too fast- you're tired, aren't you?

Jake: not at all! I could run, I could jump, I could fly! –cheerfully-

Mark: you're a strange one.

Jake: oh I am! I love you -whispers in his ear and gets in-

Maureen: -sits inside with Joanne- why HELLO!

Mark: -gets in-...damn. Hi Maureen.

Maureen: hi baby! Look at you two, so sweet!

Mark: whatever. -sits down deflated-

Joanne: you look great! -to Jake-

Jake: I feel great! -glows-

Maureen: ohhh, I knew setting you two up was a good idea! Waiter! –screams-

Mark: -looks uncomfortable, orders coffee and a chocolate muffin-

Jake: -orders a blueberry muffin- and Mark's buying it for me! -tells the girls-

Maureen: really?! Mark! That's so sweet of you!

Mark: it's the least I can do...-mumbles-

Maureen: -tactlessly- does he still talk during sex?

Joanne: -glares-

Mark: -blushes- he wouldn't know. -darkly, stares at his hands-

Maureen: oh, you haven't - -starts giggling-

Mark: not that it's any of your business, but no, we haven't.

Maureen: and who's to blame? I'm guessing not Jake?

Jake: -talks to Joanne and doesn't listen-

Maureen: go ahead Mark -shamelessly- do it!

Mark: some of us don't do it with people they know 3 days.

Maureen: don't be that way, you want him, right? So follow your heart!

Mark: I don't know if I want him or not, and even if I did I wouldn't do it now.

Maureen: don't be ridiculous baby, anyone can see you two are totally in love!

Mark: I'm not in love, I don't even know him!

Maureen: you don't have to KNOW. You have to FEEL! Let yourself FEEL, Mark!

Mark: I'm not you ok?

Maureen: that doesn't matter! Let yourself feel for once in your life! Be impulsive! Go with the moment!

Mark: I saw where going with the moment gets you. Thanks but no thanks.

Maureen: what's that supposed to mean?

Mark: Look, it's just not me, ok?

Maureen: oh?

Mark: yeah. You know me.

Maureen: but I'm telling you, you should go with your feelings! Have some fun! Come on, you only get to live once.

Mark: I heard you the first time.

Maureen: don't do that to yourself. That's how I live, I live in the moment, I do whatever I feel like doing, and believe me, it feels great.

Mark: yeah but it makes those around you feel lousy. I can't do that.

Maureen: why would it?

Mark: when you do what you want to someone always gets hurt. I should know, I've been hurt by your attitude for 18 months. I could never put someone else through it.

Maureen: oh, come on, Mark...

Mark: no. That's the truth.

Waiter: -serves their food-

Mark: -buries himself in his muffin-

Maureen: -eats-

Jake: -eats his blueberry muffin- so Maureen, how's life? -starts talking to her-

Joanne: -glances at Mark-

Mark: -eats his muffin in silence-

Jake: -presses his legs to Mark's under the table-

Mark: -chokes on his muffin-

Maureen: are you okay? –frowns-

Mark: just...fine -drinks-

Jake: -places his foot on Mark's-

Mark: -blushes and keeps his head down so no one would see

Jake: -smiles at him-

Mark: -stares at his hands-

Joanne and Maureen: -start kissing-

Jake: -glances at Mark-

Mark: -stares stubbornly at his hands-

Jake: -hums peacefully while tapping on Mark's foot-

Mark: I-I gotta go to the bathroom -runs to the bathroom-

Jake: -laughs fondly-

Mark: -washes his face 12 times before coming back out-

Joanne and Maureen: -still making out-

Jake: Right, well, I say we hit the road. What do you think, Mark?

Mark: I agree. -asks for the check-

Waiter: -brings it-

Mark: -empties the entire content of his wallet and still comes out a dollar short- damn...

Jake: -pays the extra dollar- okay, but you owe me a dollar! -grins-

Mark: I'll pay you back as soon as I get my first pay check!

Jake: which will be next week!

Mark: right! And the first thing I'll do will be paying you back.

Jake: or else I'll be nagging you for the rest of your life! And demand more money for paying late!

Mark: no you wouldn't -smirks-

Jake: oh I would -smirks back-

Mark: no you wouldn't, I got you figured out. –declares-

Jake: oh really? So what would I do?

Mark: you'll demand kisses.

Jake: -laughs- well, you did get me figured out.

Mark: I told you so –grins-


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10-**

-Two weeks later. Mark and Roger are sitting in the living room-

Roger: When is Jake coming over?

Mark: he should be here any minute now…

Roger: wow, he's late. Maybe he decided to stand you up!

Mark: and maye you're an idiot. No wait- cross the maybe, you're an idiot.

Roger: -ignores him- or maybe he got some sense. You didn't call your scarf SCARFY in front of him – DID you?!

Mark: not that it's any of your buisness- but no I didn't. he probably just got stuck in traffic or something.

Roger: Soooooo, do I hear wedding bells?

Mark: throws a pillow at him-

Roger: -ducks. Pillow hits the window-

-There's a knock on the door-

Mark: see? That's probably him now. -goes to open the door- told you he wouldn't stand me up! –opens- hi Jake!

Jake: Hi! -kisses him before he can stop him or duck- Hi Roger! Sorry I'm late. I got you something!

Roger: you really shouldn't have, I've got pretty much everything I need –

Jake: I meant Mark.

Roger: Right.

Jake: -hands Mark a paper bag-

Mark: thanks! You shouldn't have! -opens and stares-

Roger: ...it's a new scarf. -starts laughing his head off-

Mark: …so you really DO hate Scarfy??? -in a small voice-

Jake: what? No! I just thought you liked scarves... so I saw this pink one and I thought you'd like it! It would really look sweet on you!

Mark: …you hate Scarfy! And I thought it was just Roger being a jackass!

Roger: -stops laughing- Mark. It's never just Roger being a jackass. -goes back to laughing-

Jake: sorry... I really thought you'd like it -looks depressed-

Mark: …-stares at it- well I could wear it sometimes if it's that important to you…

Jake: really?! -instantly looks happy- that's great! Let's take a picture of you and your new scarf!

Roger: what are you going to name that one? Scarfio?

Mark: how about "Roger RIP"? –glares-

Jake: -doesn't get it- okay! -draws out a camera- let's take a picture of you and Roger RIP!

Mark: …-bursts out laughing-

Roger: -scowls-

Mark: let's. -cheered up-

Jake: oh joy! -takes a picture- so how about a "thank you"?

Mark: -glares at Roger- Why not. -kisses him-

Roger: -oohs and aahs loudly in the background-

Mark: -kicks his leg back and hits him in the crotch-

Roger: -screams out loud-

Jake: so... anyone hungry?!

-later that night, Mark and Jake in bed-

Jake: -tries to kiss Mark-

Mark: …do you really hate Scarfy?

Jake: what?

Mark: -turns to him- do you really hate Scarfy? Be honest!

Jake: I... I never really gave Scarfy much thought...

Mark: well you obviously gave him some thought if you decided to buy a scarf-

Jake: no… I just remebered you always had a scarf… so I thought you liked scarves… I never even noticed that it was always the same one…

Mark: A SCARF? IT?!

Jake: -starts giggling- sorry. You always had SCARFY. And HE was always the one you were wearing.

Mark: -glares- don't mock me.

Jake: I'm not! Honest. I think it's cute.

Mark: -gives him a doubtful look-

Jake: seriously!!!

Mark: yeah sure. You think I'm mad.

Jake: I think you're cute.

Mark: and a psycho.

Jake: a cute psycho.

Mark: so you admit it!

Jake: well, everyone is a psycho if you really think about it...

Mark: yeah well not everyone is so obvious about it…

Jake: but in a cute way!

Mark: how can you be a cute psycho? Hold a teddy bear while chopping people heads off?

Jake: or wear Scarfy while doing it.

Mark: you think it'll be cute if I chopped someone's head off while wearing Scarfy?

Jake: -giggles- it might be...

Mark: ok, you're the bigger psycho.

Jake: but a cute one?

Mark: I donno…put Scarfy on and we'll see.

Jake: you mean I'm allowed to touch it... him?!

Mark: you were always allowed to touch him, now you're allowed to wear him!

Jake: okay! -takes Scarfy-

Roger: wait a minute! -bursts into the room- why does HE get to wear Scarfy?!

Mark: because HE doesn't hate Scarfy and HE doesn't make fun of him!

Roger: the only reason I hate Scarfy is because you've been treating HIM a lot nicer than you have ME!

Mark: that's because HE'S not an asshole!

Roger: he's a SCARF! And you think of him as a second roomate!

Mark: and he's a better roomate than YOU!

Roger: I want to wear it!

Mark: it? IT?! You're not even allowed to touch him!

Roger: it's a SCARF!

Mark: then why do you care?!

Roger: because you're still nicer to him than you are to me!

Mark: I'd be nice to you if you'd be nice to me!

Roger: when was I not nice to you? –innocently-

Mark: I've been waiting for this--pulls out a 40 pages long list and hands it to Roger- that's just last month!

Roger: -stares-

Mark: and this, by the way, counts as not nice- go back to your own room!

Roger: -pouts, hangs his head and walks very slowly out-

Jake: ohhhhh… -motions Mark to pity him-

Mark: …no….

Jake: Roger, wait!

Roger: -stops and turns back hopefully- Yes?

Jake: -nudges Mark-

Mark: what? He's not nice to me!

Jake: but look how sad you've made him!

Mark: he laughs in my face all the time, makes fun of Scarfy, eavesdrops and won't give us 5 private minutes!

Roger: -unable to stop himself- to do what in those five minutes? Run away and try to distract Jake while he's trying to get a kiss?

Mark: you see? He's not sorry! He keeps doing it!

Jake: okay, now, you two. I want you both to apologize. Then you hug it out and Roger will leave, because now you're both going to be considerate.

Roger: I'm not apologizing for anything! –childisly- he started it!!!

Mark: I started it?! You're the inconsiderate bastard!

Roger: you're the one who –

Mark: who WHAT?!

Roger: you – well, you – you treated Scarfy better than me! -in an accusing voice- you love him more than me!!!

Mark: I told you- I'd be nice to you if you'd be nice to me! And anyway- I'm nice! I pay the rent and buy the food and get you your AZT and I helped you through withdrawal- if that's not nice what is?!

Roger: but you still love him better!!!!

Mark: you know that's not true- I love you plenty- you're my favorite guy in the world!

Jake: wait, what? What?

Mark: well he IS my best friend…

Jake: so?! I'm – I'm your boyfriend! I'm the one you're sleeping with!

Roger: -perks his ears-

Mark: REALLY?! Since WHEN?! I must have missed the memo!

Jake: well you're GOING to, anyway!

Mark: says WHO?!

Jake: says me... you are, aren't you?

Roger: he is.

Mark: since when do you get to decide who I sleep with?!

Roger: I sleep in the next room. You are. Anything to keep me awake.

Mark: so is THAT why you keep burging in?!

Roger: I'm out of here! –leaves-

Jake: …we are going to have sex SOMEDAY, right?

Mark: why don't we just let whatever happens happen?

Jake: well… -cheers up- okay! You're worth the wait. -sweetly-

Mark: …right. Well I'm glad that's settled.

Jake: -gets back in bed-

Mark: -lies down next to him-

Jake: -starts to drift off-

Mark: …do you REALLY hate Scarfy?


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11- 

-The next morning, Mark and Jake are in bed-

Jake: what are we going to do today?

Mark: after work? I donno…what do you want to do?

Jake: we can go to my place for a change.

Mark: your place? Sure, I've been wanting to see it…

Jake: okay, so it's settled! Six o'clock tonight! So, I'm starving. What's for breakfast?

Mark: …whatever, as long as you make it!

Jake: what's your order?

Mark: pancackes?

Jake: you got it. What's the filling? How about chocolate chip?

Mark: sounds perfect!

Jake: -puts on a black jacket and goes to cook-

Roger: -sprawled on the couch- morning.

Mark: morning…

Roger: boy, you look tired. Someone get a little action last night?

Mark: …oh shut up.

Roger: I know you didn't, I would have heard after all -grins and goes to grab the first pancake-

Mark: -grabs the second- I'll let that slide 'cause I won't have to take any more today.

Roger: and why's that?

Mark: I'm going to Jake's place after work -eats and grins-

Roger: -chokes on his pancake and glances at Jake- REALLY?

Jake: Yes! –grins-

Roger: -lifts his eyebrows at Mark- maybe tonight someone will FINALLY score?

Mark: wouldn't you like to know.

Roger: ….Jake, I need a new bed.

Jake: What?

Roger: my bed's all lumpy and old. That's why I'm sleeping on the couch and it gives me the worst aches in the back. Do you maybe have a spare bed at your place?

Mark: well, why don't you sleep in my bed tonight.

Roger: no, I already tried it. It sucks.

Mark: it's new and it's great and that's all you're going to get! And anyway- when did you try it?!

Roger: umm –

Mark: yes?!

Roger: -turns back to Jake, ignoring Mark- so do you have a spare bed?

Jake: umm, sure, I guess you can stay in the red room.

Mark: …forget the colour for one second- he is NOT coming!

Jake: why not? -oblivious to the possible danger-

Mark: why not? Alright- FINE! He can move in with you for all I care!

Jake: why does it bother you so much? The red room is on the east wing, he won't be anywhere near us.

Mark: …where the hell do you live, Buckingham palace??

Jake: oh? No. just some old house my uncle left me. Anyway, you won't even see him.

Mark: it's ROGER! He just wants to come because he's a pervert!

Jake: I'll soundproof the bedroom.

Mark: -blushes- FORGET IT! I'll come another day when his bed isn't miraculously LUMPY!

Jake: …Roger, you may have to stay here.

Roger: oh but –

Jake: there you go -ignores Roger- he's not coming

Roger: Hey!!!

Mark: I donno….this whole thing ruined my mood

Jake: come on! He's not coming!!!! And I've got some surprises for you… I've really worked hard on tidying up and everything… please?

Mark: …you just asked me a couple of minutes ago!

Jake: I did it yesterday!

Mark: you were so sure I'd say yes?

Jake: I was hoping you would...

Mark: well…

Jake: please… -comes closer-

Roger: please spare me from seeing this!

Mark: you don't want to see but you want to hear?!

Roger: it's different! I just want to know if you're sleeping with him!

Mark: get a HOBBY!

Jake: please Mark? You can bring Scarfy. AND Roger RIP.

Mark: well…I guess…

Roger: -scowls-

Jake: yay! Now let me take you to work!

Mark: that'll be great- thanks! -grabs his things-

Roger:

Jake: -wraps an arm around him as they walk out- Bye Roger! Sorry again!

Mark: take your AZT

Roger: please hit a car on the way. Please hit a car on the way.

Mark: you know you'll be sorry if it happens.

Roger: I should think not.

Mark: see why I say you're not nice? -gets out-

Roger: I hope you score tonight! -yells after them, then grabs the phone and calls Maureen- Hey Maureen! Listen, I need you to convince Joanne to take me to Jake's apartment tonight. Mark is going to spend the night there and I have to know what happens between them

Maureen: …sure. I guess it will be fun to find out if he still talks during sex.

-later that day-

Mark: ok, can I open my eyes now?

Jake: okay.

Mark: -opens his eyes-…can I move in with you?

Jake: huh?

Mark: this place is so cool! -walks around-

Jake: really? Well I would really love it if you move in… -blushes and gives him a key-

Mark: really??

Jake: sure?

Mark: thanks! Ah- but wait…what about Roger…

Jake: uh… I guess he could move in too… somewhere in the east wing… or the dungeon…

Mark: …you have a dungeon?!

Jake: you think he'll prefer the attic?

Mark: how big IS this place?!

Jake: pretty big. Anyway, you're really moving in?

Mark: well I'll have to talk it over with Rog…

Jake: -takes this as a yes- baby, that's great! -goes over and kisses him-

Mark: -blushes- it's not for sure yet…

Jake: you hungry?

Mark: yeah, a little…

Jake: I left something in the oven… let's see how good it is -pulls out an entire turkey that smells fantastic-

Mark: …-drools-

Jake: -gives him a piece-

Mark: -sits down and eats- wow Jake this is amazing!

Jake: so are you really movin' in?

Mark: yeah…I just gotta…talk to Roger…

Jake: -seems satisfied-

Mark: this is really delicious –gobbles-

Jake: -watches him eat-

Mark: aren't you going to eat?

Jake: I already ate at work.

Mark: really? Why- if you made all this…

Jake: -shrugs- anyway – want a tour??

Mark: -swallows- yeah, sure!

Jake: -takes him for a tour around the place- so, anyway. This is the living room. I usually like to have guests in there – but you're not just any guest… and this is the bathroom…

Mark: -looks around like a tourist-

Jake: …and this is the bedroom! -opens a door to a huge room with a huge bed with bedcovers with hearts- and this is my bed… -unnecessarily- and these are my bedcovers…

Mark: -stares- half of New York could fit in that bed…

Jake: yeah I guess…

Mark: -looks around-

Jake: this is the bed -points again-

Mark: yes I know, it's hard to miss-

Jake: yeah... -lingers in the bedroom as though waiting for something to happen-

Mark: what? -oblivious-

Jake: what? –dreamily-

Mark: …just- what?

Jake: nothing… -sighs dreamily- anyway… on to the east wing…

Mark: ok- -gets out- you coming?

Jake: -still lingers- I guess… -comes out and takes him to the east wing- this is the red room – it will be Roger's, I guess.

Mark: -stares- this room is too nice for Roger- you said something about a dungeon?

Jake: oh yeah… there's also a dungeon -takes him downstairs to a beautiful room with a pool table, DVD, Sony Playstation and a bowling alley-

Mark: -blinks- you have a…bowling alley? In your house?!

Jake: yeah –indifferently- I play it from time to time.

Mark: -turns to him slowly- ok- who the hell are you?

Jake: what?

Mark: are you like some kind of mafia member or something?!

Jake: -confused- no. why?

Mark: you have a **bowling alley** in your house!

Jake: and?

Mark: where do you get so much money from?!

Jake: I work… and my parents were rich and I was their first-born so… here I am with most of their money. –babbles- Joanne was kinda upset…

Mark: well- can you blame her?

Jake: what? I let her sleep over whenever she wants.

Mark: you have a BOWLING ALLEY in your dungeon!!!

Jake: yeah. And a collection of about two thousand films in the attic.

Mark: WHAT?!?!?! Why didn't you tell me?! -runs upstairs-

Jake: -follows- you wanted to see the dungeon! -they enter a huge attic with loads of films lying around and a huge TV set-

Mark: -blinks- I died and went to heaven…

Jake: uh… the bedroom is downstairs…

Mark: huh? -barely listening-

Jake: so… are you tired? -hopefully-

Mark: tired? Nop, I could stay up all night-!

Jake: that's another good idea! –hopefully-

Mark: -rummages through the piles of movies, not listening- yeah-oh wow cool!

Jake: you wanna watch something? –sadly-

Mark: can I?

Jake: I guess…

Mark: yay! -kisses him and starts the movie-

Jake: -looks happier sits down next to him on a huge sofa and wraps an arm around him-

Mark: -leans on him, smiling-

Jake: -seems to be on cloud nine-

Mark: I don't care what Roger says- I'm moving in.

Jake: yay! -embraces him-

Roger: -at the window with Maureen- you think he'll let me stay in the red room? -whispers to Maureen-

Maureen: how should I know? And why should I care? Look, they're hugging, so cute!

Roger: I'm a genius!

Maureen: hello? I was the one who set them up!

Roger: yeah, but I was around to help them get it on!

Maureen: excuse me?!

Jake: do you hear something?

Mark: …couldn't be-

Jake: oh I guess it's nothing. -goes back to watching the film-

Roger and Maureen: -hide-

Roger: why aren't they going to bed already?!

Mark: this is great, thanks for inviting me…

Jake: anytime… -stares at him-

Mark: what? -confused- do I have something in my teeth?

Jake: no, nothing. Are you tired yet? Wanna go to bed???

Mark: ammmm…ok….

Jake: -runs downstairs and puts rose petals all over the bed and the bedroom-

Mark: -follows him- ammm…Jake?

Jake: yes? -huge smile with a lot of white teeth-

Mark: what are you doing?

Jake: -smiles- just setting up the mood for us. -turns on some romantic music-

Mark: …the mood?

Jake: yeah!

Mark: amm Jake…last time I checked- rose petals?

Jake: you don't like them? -makes them all disappear at once-

Mark: look Jake- you're sweet and all but you're trying too hard- we said we were just going to let things happen when they happen remember?

Jake: yes and… I was thinking they could happen…

Mark: …there's really no nice way to say this-no.

Jake: no?

Mark: n. o. no.

Jake:  okay. -gets into bed looking enormously depressed-

Mark: look, I don't like it so planned, ok?

Jake: meaning…?

Mark: that I think it should be spontanious- spur of the moment and all that crap!

Jake: oh okay… I guess that might also be nice… -kisses him- g'night.

Mark: -lies down next to him and kisses him- good night. And sorry.

Jake: that's okay. I know I will have you some day. You'll see (boys).

Mark: we'll see.

Jake: yeah. We will. –grins-

Roger: damn it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Maureen: -chews gum- what? Maybe they need more time. They want to get to know each other first.

Roger: you're talking?! You sleep with people – not guys! People! – on the first date!

Maureen: and? -chews-

Roger: and… Mark should learn something from you! have you taught him nothing?!

Maureen: it's Mark! He's not discovered his inner-gay personality yet. Give him some time!

Roger: -pouts-

Mark: amm…do you hear Roger?

Jake: it's the TV upstairs.

Mark: I could have sworn I turned it off…

Jake: it must be the TV upstairs.

Mark: I guess you're right- no way he could be here…

Jake: Roger? –dismissively- how could he be here? I locked the door.

Mark: you don't know him…

Jake: -shrugs- it's the TV.

Mark: right. I'll go turn it off then. -gets up- be right back.

Jake: okay.

Mark: -goes upstairs and returns looking extremly pale- it's off!

Jake: the neighbors next door are kind of noisy. Maybe it was them.

Mark: I hope so…

Jake: good night Mark.

Roger and Maureen: -argue in whispers outside the window-

Mark: -crawles into bed and into Jake's arms- 'night…

Jake: night sweetheart.

Roger: sweetheart?! snorts

Mark: did you hear that?!

Jake: hear what?

Mark: that! -gets up and opens the window- I KNEW IT!

Roger: uh… hi Mark.

Maureen: what's up?!

Mark: -blushes in fury- what are you doing here?!?!?!?

Roger: we… umm…

Maureen: you know, you're REALLY slow Mark.

Mark: THAT'S NONE OF YOUR BUISNESS!

Maureen: yeah it is. Because if Jake dumps you, he will be very sad and that might make Joanne angry with me 'cause I didn't force you to give Jake what he wants!

Mark: yet another reason NOT to do it!

Roger: what's the other reasons? Jake seems to really want it.

Jake: I… I'll just go downstairs to make some hot chocolate. –exits-

Roger: SEE?!

Mark: -blushes- that is not your concern!

Roger: he IS going to leave you eventually you know.

Mark: if he leaves me because of that I don't want him.

Maureen: oh PLEASE.

Roger: -snorts-

Mark: and what's it to you ANYWAY?!

Roger: well. I just want to know when you do it!

Mark: keep wanting!

Jake: -comes back in with four mugs of hot chocolate-

Mark: -stares- ok. Fine. WHATEVER. Let me just say this- as long as these two are spying I will NEVER do it! You hear me? NEVER! -storms out-

Jake: -hands them mugs- now beat it.

Roger and Maureen: thanks! -disappear-

Jake: THEY'RE GONE Mark!

Mark: they're probably hiding in some tree! -refuses to go back inside-

Jake: Your hot chocolate is getting cold…

Mark: let it!

Jake: -shuts all the windows and draws the curtains- they're really gone, Mark.

Mark: you sure?

Jake: YES!

Mark: -goes back inside and sits on the bed-

Jake: -hands him the mug-

Mark: thanks- -drinks slowly-

Jake: they're GONE, Mark. -sits next to him and grins-

Mark: I hope so…

Jake: they are. And if it makes you feel any better, I'll tell Joanne to yell at Maureen for doing that.

Mark: would you really? -puppy face-

Jake: I will. Keep in mind she's probably already doing that anyway – I mean, Maureen was here instead of in bed with her.

Mark: I hope so- -dreamy look-

Jake: Night.

Mark: oh right- sorry, you're tired aren't you?

Jake: not really, no.

Mark: then why do you want to go to sleep?

Jake: so tomorrow will come faster and I can spend all day with you? it's Saturday tomorrow.

Mark: -smiles- that's sweet. -kisses him-

Jake: -kisses him back-

Mark: still want to go to sleep? –grins-

Jake: or we can keep doing this…

Mark: we could- -kisses him-

Jake: that might be nice - -kisses him-

Mark: yeah, it might-

Jake: might just –

Mark: -kisses him-

Jake: -moans-

-after several long minutes-

Roger: -whispers to Maureen- I KNEW IT.

--------

A/N: Well, this is almost over... We'll upload the ending in a few days. Thanks to all our readers and reviewers, we hope you have enjoyed reading this story - you have no idea how much we enjoyed writing it.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12- ending 

Mark: -yawns and turns in bed- 'morning…

Jake: Good morning. -huge smile-

Mark: …-rubs his eyes-

Jake: did you sleep well? -huge smile-

Mark: yeah…you?

Jake: finally, I did. -huge smile-

Mark: finally?

Jake: yeah, actally I haven't gotten such good sleep since I met you. -huge smile-

Mark: why not?

Jake: 'cause every time I tried to fall asleep I kept picturing you and… well… -huge smile-

Mark: so you haven't slept for almost 3 weeks??

Jake: you might say so -huge smile-

Mark: well -kisses him I'm glad you finally got some sleep.

Jake: -huge smile-

Mark: well, since you're so energetic now- how about making me some breakfast?

Jake: okay! -huge smile- what's your order?

Mark: ammm…surprise me!

Jake: okay! -runs out with a huge smile-

-Ten minutes later-

Mark: -still lazing around in bed-

Jake: -comes in with a huge smile and brings him a tray with bacon and three eggs-

Mark: -sniffs- wow this smells great!

Jake: bon appetite! -huge smile-

Mark: well aren't you joining me?

Jake: I had some while cooking it. -huge smile-

Mark: oh, okay…won't you ever eat WITH me?

Jake: I guess I could -takes a nibble with a huge smile-

Mark: -smiles and eats- this is really delicous- thank you!

Jake: you're always welcome! -huge smile-

Mark: thanks -smiles and kisses him- amm- you taste good.

Jake: so do you! Only you always taste good so… -huge smile-

Mark: -laughs-

Jake: -huge smile-

Mark: -smiles back-

Jake: so what are we going to do today? -huge smile-

Mark: whatever you want!

Jake: umm… we can watch some films in the attic! -huge smile-

Mark: that sounds great!

Jake: -goes upstairs with a huge smile-

Mark: -gets dressed, grabs his glasses and follows him upstairs-

Jake: I got you a present. -huge smile-

Mark: a present? You shouldn't have! What is it?

Jake: I actually got it for you two weeks ago… but I really wanted to save it for a… special occasion… -huge smile- so… here it is hands him a thong-

Mark: -stares- …I'm speechless.

Jake: I have some myself… I really like them. -huge smile-

Mark: I…you…WHAT?

Jake: I thought it might fit… -huge smile-

Mark: it's a THONG!

Jake: Yes. -huge smile-

Mark: you want ME to wear THAT??

Jake: you don't have to… I thought it would be nice -huge smile- and sexy.

Mark: I draw the line at thongs, sorry.

Jake: okay, maybe some other time. -puts it in his pocket in a huge smile-

Mark: …anyway- what film do you want to watch?

Jake: I don't care. Whatever suits you -huge smile-

Mark: okay…-picks a film and turns it on-

Jake: -sits down and embraces him with a huge smile-

Mark: -lies down with his head in his lap-

Jake: -huge smile-

Mark: -watches the film-

Jake: -watches Mark with a huge smile-

Mark: -puts his hand on Jake's-

Jake: -huge smile-

Mark: -smiles-

Jake: I'm so in love with you. -huge dreamy smile-

Mark: that's good, 'cause I think I might be in love with you…

Jake: -stares at him- what did you just say?

Mark: I said…you heard me! -blushes and doesn't look at him-

Jake: Oh my God

Roger: OH. MY. GOD.

Jake: you… you're… oh Mark!!!!! -grabs him wildly and kisses him with the hugest of smiles-

Mark: -stunned-

Jake: and now, I promised you something a long time ago and didn't do it yet!

Mark: w…what?

Jake: -puts on some music and starts belly dancing-

Mark: -stares-

Jake: -dances with a huge smile-

Mark: -stares-

Jake: you want me to stop? -huge smile-

Mark: ah- no, it's ok…

Jake: -stops- you hate it, don't you?

Mark: no! I don't hate it-!

Jake: it's okay to hate it.

Mark: I don't hate it- honest! It's just…weird! I never saw a guy belly dance…

Jake: there's always a first...

Mark: yeah, it'll just take some getting used to that's all!

Jake: okay, maybe some other time. So, who's up for some lunch?

Mark: I'm stuffed…!

Roger: I would like some…!

Jake: okay, maybe later –

Roger: no! now!!!!!

Jake: what was that?

Mark: …probably Roger…

Jake: -tears the window open- no bloody way…

Roger: hi Jake!

Jake: hi Roger…

Roger: You! -to Mark-

Mark: me?

Roger: I KNEW you would sleep with him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mark: I knew you'd listen you pervert!

Roger: I had to know! And I was right! Collins was so thrilled!

Mark: you told COLLINS?!

Roger: he dropped by.

Mark: to Jake's window?!

Roger: I asked him to!

Mark: you WHAT?!

Roger: so, how was it? I know it was good, I was there, but…

Mark: THAT'S NONE OF YOUR BUISNESS!!!! Jake- say something!

Roger: what are friends for, Mark?

Jake: -shrugs with a huge smile-

Mark: you can forget about the red room or any coloured room!

Roger: it's okay, I prefer the dungeon anyway.

Mark: you're not getting ANY room here!

Roger: Jake will let me, won't you Jake?

Mark: if Jake will let you, Jake can forget about last night ever happening again.

Jake: -at once- sorry, Roger.

Mark: -smirks-

Roger: -scowls- FINE THEN. Leave me in the cold, small apartment with no food and no bathroom and no door and no money to pay the rent. What are friends for anyway?!

Mark: there is a bathroom and there is a door and here -hands him some bills- use this 'til you get a job. Goodbye!

Roger: what about the food?

Mark: ask Maureen to feed you!

Roger: but Maureen hardly ever eats! I want Jake's food! -whines-

Mark: tough!

Roger: I'll be good, I promise!

Mark: let me think about that….no.

Roger: please?!?!?!!??!!?!

Mark: do you need me to spell it for you?! N-O- no!

Roger: I seem to remember you spelled that word yesterday as well. To Jake. Surprisingly, you changed your mind.

Mark: no I didn't- I said I wouldn't do it if it's planned and I didn't.

Roger: whatever! Just let me in! I'm cold and I have no money to buy clothes!

Mark: I just GAVE you money!

Roger: that was for the rent!

Mark: here, you can have Roger RIP! -hands him the scarf- bye Roger!

Roger: are you really going to wear the thong?

Mark: …that's it. Now you're NEVER coming in! -shuts the window and draws the curtains-

Roger: -knocks on the window-

Mark: -turns on the music-

Roger: -scowls-

Jake: but… what if he catches a cold out there?

Mark: he needs to go home.

Jake: come on, he'll be cold there too, you don't have a radiator!

Mark: if he'll live here we'll never have any peace…!

Jake: we can shut him in the dungeon.

Mark: yeah with all the noise making machines known to men-

Jake: I bet we can lock him in the red room… where there's no machines.

Mark: ok fine, lock him.

Jake: -opens the window- you can come in Roger.

Roger: yay! -climbs in- thanks for convincing him Jake!

Jake: you're welcome!

Mark: -glares at Roger-

Roger: I'll just head off to the kitchen. -exits-

Jake: see, he's not so bad.

Mark: give him 5 minutes.

Jake: oh well. -sits back down- another film? How about one of yours?

Mark: well I did just finish one…

Jake: lemme see lemme see!

Mark: ok…-turns it on and sits next to Jake-

Jake: -watches- a Mark Cohen film. You're so talented! -kisses him-

Roger: -snorts from outside-

Mark: …see? I told you.

Roger: Sorry.

Jake: -acts as though nothing has happened and keeps watching-

Mark: -leans on him and watches-

Jake: -after a while- I LOVE it! I love YOU! You're so so so talented!

Mark: really? You liked it?

Jake: I loved it! And I'm a professional! You're the best.

Mark: I'm glad! -smiles-

Jake: -huge smile-

THE (normal) END.

AN- so that's (almost) it! Thanks to everyone who bothered reading and shame on all of you who didn't and on those who did but didn't review.

Look out for our next fic!

Love, Roni and Lyan :)


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13 – Alternative ending 

Jake: -huge disturbing smile-

Mark: …what?

Jake: oh nothing.

-The next evening-

Roger: -bursts into the house- MARK! MARK! WHERE ARE YOU?!

Mark: I'm right here you dunhead, what's up?

Roger: -looks completely scared- where's Jake? Still at work?

Mark: yeah, he has to work late today.

Roger: oh good! Listen – you have to come with me! NOW!

Mark: where? What's wrong?

Roger: it's – it's – Joanne – she – Maureen – YOU HAVE TO LEAVE THIS HOUSE!

Mark: calm down! What happened? What did Joanne do?

Roger: -pants- she – she – Maureen is dead, Mark.

Mark: WHAT?! How? When? What???

Roger: Yeah, I just saw it… Joanne… Joanne did it.

Mark: why would Joanne kill Maureen?

Roger: and that's not the worst part.

Mark: there's something worse?!

Roger: the worst part is how she was killed. -looks completely scared- YOU HAVE GOT TO LEAVE HERE BEFORE HE COMES BACK!

Mark: what- what does Jake have to do with it? How was she killed?!

Roger: Jake and Joanne are man-eating monsters, Mark. Joanne ate Maureen! YOU HAVE TO LEAVE HERE BEFORE HE EATS YOU TOO!!!!!!!!

Mark: are you on drugs again?!?!

Roger: I saw it! I swear it's true! She ATE her! Did you ever see Jake eat any normal food? Did you ask him where his ex-boyfriends are? He's a MONSTER! He IS too good to be true! AND HE'S GOING TO EAT YOU! YOU HAVE TO RUN!

Mark: is this your idea of a pratical joke? It's not funny Rog. Yes I saw him eat, and there are millions of reasons to break up with someone.

Roger: HE'S GOING TO EAT YOU!

Mark: would you give it a rest??

Roger: I'M GETTING OUT OF HERE BEFORE HE COMES BACK! LISTEN TO ME AND SAVE YOURSELF! –flees-

Mark: man eating monster….-rolls his eyes- no more late night TV for him…

-Jake comes home-

Jake: honey I'm home! -kisses him- where's Roger?

Mark: oh, he has this crazy idea…he thinks you and your sister are man eating monsters, and that you're going to eat me –laughs- can you believe that?

Jake: -frowns- wow. I really hoped it would take him longer to find out. Though I knew he would be the one to find out eventually.

Mark: …Jake this is not funny…

Jake: I was really hoping you'd at least get to finish the chocolate cake first. –quietly-

Mark: Jake, you're scaring me…where's the hidden camera?

Jake: there is no camera, Mark. Did you really not see it coming?

Mark: can anyone see such a thing coming?!

Jake: -approaches him- I really liked you, Mark. Too bad it's gotta end now.

Mark: -backs away- get away from me…

Jake: you said I was too good to be true. Well, you were right huh? -laughs coldly-

Mark: -freaked out- Jake, we can work this out-

Jake: sure we can -comes closer- I really like it that you have fattened up a little since I met you. and you really taste good.

Mark: -horrified- Jake, you're not serious…

Jake: -shuts the door- it will be much easier if you don't fight, Mark. Maureen didn't fight. You won't taste as good if you're tense.

Mark: -runs to the window-

Jake: -follows surprisingly quickly-

Mark: -opens the window and starts to climb out-

Jake: -grabs his shoe- you can't get away from me, Mark. Remember I said I WILL have you? I guess I should have added "for dinner"!

Mark: -screams bloody murder and kicks him-

Jake: ow! -drops the shoe-

Mark: -crawles out the window and starts running-

Jake: -follows- you can run, but you can't hide! -laughs hysterically- I WILL have you, Mark Cohen!

THE (freaky) END! MWAHAHAHAH!

---------

AN- hahahahahhahahahhahahahahhaha!!!!!!!!

So now it's really IT!

Cheers,

Lyan and Roni.


End file.
